13thWR

THE LONG WAY HOME / by Joseph Lisowski

"Goddammit, Amber, shut up!" Katherine Swanson screamed at her whining two year old. The child let out a wail, and her mother grabbed her by the arms and shook, which only succeeded in making her cry louder. "Shut up! Shut up! I told you!" And she slammed the child down into the open suitcase. Amber abruptly stopped crying, shocked but unharmed. The folded dresses, bathing suits, and beach towels cushioned her blow. Katherine looked at her child, momentarily terrified by what she had done, but seeing that the child was not injured and had mercifully stopped her tantrum, she went into the bathroom to pack her make-up case. Things were not going well for her that morning. Her mother, who had promised to babysit for Katherine's week at the beach, called earlier to cancel the arrangement. Mark, the mother's new boyfriend, had insisted that they spend a long weekend together in Atlantic City. He was being couped at the Sands by a friend of a friend. Now Amber had to come to Virginia Beach with her and Harry Donovan, her boss at mid-life Insurance, a man she had been seeing romantically for two months. She had hoped that a week alone with him would turn his eyes to marriage. She was tired of a lot of things and bored easily, especially
her job of four months as receptionist/clerk.

In front of the bathroom mirror, she brushed her long red hair, cursing her mother, her child, and the world for treating her so rotten. Her complexion was creamy white and no longer unlined. Cats paws at the eyes and lips. And she hated them too. It was hard for her, at the moment, to think of something that she had not hated in her twenty-six years. Thinking of the drunken bum of a father, she brushed harder. That slut of a mother. The bastard men she'd known since she was fourteen. They were all alike, that was for sure. And that dumb god who didn't create her as one of them.

The doorbell rang, and Amber called for her. She put down the brush, tried a smile in the mirror, wasn't satisfied, and tried another before answering the door. "Hi, I stopped by early, in case you were all ready, so we could get an early start, beat the traffic," Harry said to Katherine, smiling at her and obviously liking what he saw.

"Ah, sure, come on in."

When Harry stepped in, Amber ran to him with her arms outstretched. He said hello but didn't pick her up. Then he noticed the opened suitcase on the floor, and clothes strewn about. "Guess, you're not quite packed, huh?"

"I got a surprise for you that you're not going to like. I sure as hell don't like it," she shrugged, sighed and blinked her wide blue eyes in the best little girl fashion. "My mother can't sit Amber, so she has to come with us. That is if you still want to go. I'll understand if you don't want to. I was so looking forward to whole week with just us two." She put her arm around his waist and kissed him.

"Well," he said later, "let's try it for today and tomorrow. And if it doesn't seem to work, we'll come back."

The drive was uneventful and, mercifully, to Katherine's mind, Amber quietly played with her dolls in the back seat and then napped. Harry's BMW pulled into the Reese's Motel, across the street from the Edgar Cayce Museum and Library. It was sunny and hot with a stiff breeze coming in from the ocean. They unloaded and settled into their room before waking Amber. "Too bad she just can't sleep there for a week," Katherine joked as she put her arms around Harry's neck. "I've been really looking forward to just us here." And she kissed him.

"Yeah, well," Harry said, not knowing what to say next. He returned her kiss with animal vigor. She responded but then broke from his embrace.

"Let me get her inside first. She'll sleep." She noted his look of disappointment turn skeptical. "Either that or I'll lock her in the bathroom."

Katherine returned with the child in her arms. Amber's face was flushed but she seemed sound asleep. "Thank God, for small favors," her mother said as she placed her on the double bed nearest the bathroom.
"Now, where were we?" She said, unbuttoning Harry's shirt. Katherine affected an ardor she hoped was convincing, and Harry, satisfied, was about to suggest a long walk down the beach and then lunch at one of the big hotels. He was stopped from doing so by Amber's stirring.

"Mommy, food," the child drowsily said as she rubbed her eyes. Katherine, still naked, looked at Harry, rolled her eyes, shrugged her shoulders, and said, "I'll give her some crackers, and what do you say we go to the beach? OK?"

"Sure," Harry replied as he opened his bag and removed his swimming trunks.


It was high tide, and the waves came fast and rough. They had been sitting in beach chairs watching them for about a half an hour when Harry decided to take a walk. He was hungry and a few cold beers, he felt, might help improve his mood. Katherine kissed him goodbye and told him to take his time. "No," she said, "I'm not hungry. Take your time."

When he was out of sight, she took Amber firmly by the shoulders. "Look," she said, "I want you to be good. Don't cry. Don't cry or I'm going to spank you. Keep quiet. And don't talk either." She looked at the startled face of her child and knew it was hopeless. "Be nice for mommy," she said, changing the tone of her voice. Here's a shovel, baby. Look how it digs a big hole in the sand." She handed her the tool and then sat down. She smoked one cigarette after another as she gazed down the beach.


"Hey! Kathy! Yeah, that's you," the short, thin man with mirror sunglasses said as he stopped along side her.

"Aw Christ," she said as she turned, squinting into the sun, and recognized him.

"Looking good, baby. Yeah! So how you doing?" he said and put a knuckle of his left hand to his nostril and cleared the right one. "Long time no see. No hear. How are you fixed, babe?"

"I'm not doing that anymore. Go away," she said angrily. "Leave me alone."

"Oh, right. The kid. I didn't see her at first. Right. Cute little bugger. No need to get upset. Just good to see you. Thought maybe we could party a bit, if you know what I mean. Hey, easy. No offense. I'm at the Blue Moon on 45th street. Room 312. You look great, kid."

He removed his sunglasses. She returned his smile with a scowl. "Yeah, well, I'll be seeing you." He walked off. After four or five steps he turned. "Yeah. Got works too." And then continued down the beach.

After an hour Katherine became anxious about Harry's absence. He probably picked up some woman, she thought, one without a kid. Thank God they had sex before he left. At least right now, he wouldn't be
pumping his brains out. At his age, she figured, it would be at least 12 hours before he got another erection. But then, maybe he made a date for tomorrow. Maybe the woman knew tricks that she didn't. Maybe he
went off with her. She continued chain-smoking and staring down the beach. If he doesn't come back, I don't know what I'll do, she thought. Of course, he got to come back. His car is here. Or did he catch a ride to the parking lot and pick it up? That's ridiculous. He wouldn't do that. Or would he? "Amber, honey," she said, "Mommy's going back to the room for a minute. I'll be right back. Don't go into the water." Katherine walked back to the motel. In the parking lot she saw his car. But just to be certain, she walked over to it and looked in the window. One of Amber's books was in the back seat. "Christ, get yourself together, Katherine," she mumbled to herself as she walked back to the beach.

"Look who I found trying to swim," Harry shouted when she came into view. He held Amber in his arms.

"Amber, I told you!" she barked. Then mustered all her energy to be calm and smiled. "Some kid, huh," she said to Harry. "I'm gone no more than thirty seconds and she does exactly what I told her not to do."

"Right," he replied.

"Terrible twos," she answered after hesitating. "Here, come to mommy, darling." She held out her arms, and Amber, reluctantly, went to her. "You were gone so long, I thought I'd have to call the Rescue Squad."
She laughed. "I hope the lunch was good and all. And," she traced her finger up his arm and over his shoulder, "I missed you."

"Let's go for a swim," he said. "We can watch the kid from the water."

They were out about thirty yards, just beyond the breakers, standing in chest high water. Katherine pressed herself against him and slowly began kissing his neck, then jaw, then ear. Harry, unresponsive, watched Amber playing on the shore. Her kisses became more insistent.

"Whoa, Kathy. You want to knock me out. I still have trouble keeping my balance from this morning."

"I really like you, you know. I've never felt this way before. It's like I just want to touch you all over, and all over again." He closed his eyes, and she slipped her leg between his, clinging to him. A wave passed them and the undertow knocked them off their feet. Harry got a nose full of water, gagged, then sneezed.

"Mommy, mommy," the child called from the edge of the shore. Harry rode a wave in, and Katherine followed. He lay on their blanket and opened an Andrew Vachss novel and began reading. Katherine reapplied sun block and lay next to him, her hand resting on his thigh. Amber occupied herself with shovel, sand, and bucket nearby.

"I think I'll walk over to the Cayce museum," he said, closing his book. "Been laying out over an hour, and don't want to get burned. Want to come?"

"Sure, I'd love too. But maybe I ought to put Amber down for a nap first. I'll meet you there when I do."
Harry hesitated. Then said nothing. He helped gather their stuff and carried it to the room.

"I'll be there as soon as I can," she said and kissed him. "Unless, that is, if you want to make it quick and come back for a nap, if you know what I mean."

"Sounds like a great idea to me," he said, "and I know what you mean." She smiled and put her finger inside the waist band of his trunks and plucked it. "I'll be waiting."

After showering, moisturizing her skin, applying fresh make-up and putting on a teddy, she propped herself up in bed and read Cosmopolitan as Amber slept. Katherine kept telling herself to be patient, but she had always been a poor listener. An hour later, she was pacing the room. Two hours later, she was dressed, telling her daughter to be a good girl and play with her dolls. She would be right back. Katherine walked across the street to the Cayce Museum. Harry was not on the first floor, not in the bookshop, not in any of the viewing rooms. He was not on the second floor either, not in the library, not in the exhibit rooms. Furious, she stormed back to her room.

"Have you been a bad girl, Amber? I know you have. Come here! Come here, now!" Amber retreated to a corner. "I mean it! Come here now or I'm going to spank you!" Amber began to cry. Katherine lunged for her as Harry came through the door.

"Katherine," he said, not paying attention to the look on her face or noticing the punishment about to take place. "I called the office from the museum, and we got a problem I got to get back to handle. It can't wait. And the bitch is that it'll tie me up all week. You know how it is. You understand. I don't what you to lose your vacation, though. I paid the motel bill through the week. And here," he reached into his wallet and pulled out three fifty dollar bills, "this will get you home."

She stared at money, her face contorting. She remained motionless. He dropped the money on the bed, reached for his suitcase, and threw into it the few items he had unpacked. "Be seeing you," he said, and leaned
to give her a kiss. She recoiled. "You know how it is," he mumbled as he left the room.

Two hours later, she knocked on the door of Room 312 of the Blue Moon. Amber held her hand, with the other Katherine scratched her arm. "What was that you were saying about 'works,'" she said.

"Oh, yeah," the short, thin man answered. "Just like old times. I knew you'd come around. Come on in, sis."